Share shares As a part of believing in the future, what I wanted was something that seemed impossible: I tried meeting someone in real life, as my mother suggested.
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I tried chatting to men standing in front of the Meals for One. At age 50, she was living in a rented flat after their house was sold and resorted to daytime vodka-tonics and ice cream direct from the tub while crying over property programmes They looked at me as if I was mad.
I tried talking to a man in a bookshop who humoured me but then made his escape. A friend suggested online dating. Full of self-doubt, I considered the woman in the mirror.
She was tall, no longer slender, and time and sadness had taken their gentle toll, although on the plus side she had knockout wrists and ankles.
I was looking for a bright, intellectually curious man in addition to kindness and good humour, and being bookish and into art further narrowed the field.
Starting online dating was like getting into a space rocket and being sent to a whole other planet. I set up dating profiles - at one point 14 of them, from eHarmony to Plenty of Fish Starting online dating was like getting into a space rocket and being sent to a whole other planet.
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I set up dating profiles - at one point 14 of them, from eHarmony to Plenty of Fish, because I was determined not to fail. I posted an ad for myself and waited for the onset of joy.
Instead, what I got was a steep learning curve. Stella tried meeting men in real life, but said they all looked at her 'as if I was mad' - so she signed up to 14 dating sites, including Plenty Of Fish and eHarmony There was: There were also friendly lunchtime coffees, after which the mutual decision was that one date was enough, but not many of those.
I met a man in a pub one night and, civilities over, there was genuinely nothing to talk about. Out on the pavement, he said: Good-looking middle-aged men can have high expectations of the woman they want. I came across more than one case in which the main reason for their divorce seemed to be that their wife had made the mistake of ageing. I had whole Sundays in my pyjamas, trawling one site after another determined to find someone kind-looking and interesting to talk to.
Some think they can order women like pizza: I did some of this myself. Over the two years, I sent out hundreds of messages, had dozens of conversations and went on 56 dates. So what did I learn?
That a middle-aged woman often has a hard time at online dating, judged insufficiently attractive by men with beer guts and multiple chins. This is a dangerous approach.
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