But he loved hanging out with her. So, I just encouraged him to stay in proximity, to grow in his friendship with her, and to hope something would grow from there. Godliness is sexy to godly people. And so, if you get in proximity, and you see the godliness and character of a woman, you begin to take compatibility and godliness and gospel partnership more seriously than just physical attraction.
In the first part of MinglingI really address attraction as a good thing, but not at the level to where our culture has put it.
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We are all wrinkling. Our nose and ears never quit growing. It is only a matter of time till that little component that we are basing so much on starts to vanish and must be replaced by attraction founded on character and covenant.
When I got cancer, everything that was sexy about me vanished — my strength, my vibrancy, my sense of humor, my creative romantic pursuit of Lauren.
All of that was gone for two years. And my hair was gone. I became a shriveled up version of what I was before the cancer.
Lauren entered into covenant with me, loved the character that God had formed in my heart, and now it was my character and godliness that fueled her attraction to me physically.
I think we get it backwards. I think once character, compatibility, and godliness are there, those fuel attraction in the way that pleases God, and is much safer for our souls.
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But at the same time, I want to protect the hearts particularly of young women from godly men teasing them with pursuit. So, pursue them as friends and hope that it grows into more.
Want it to grow into more. And I am confident that, over time, character and godliness will win the day. Should a dating relationship reflect the complementary structure of marriage to any degree?
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It seems biblically and practically wise, but it also seems covenantally inappropriate at this stage. What would you say?
Yes, a boyfriend should lead his girlfriend in some ways, but definitely not to the degree that a husband leads his wife. So, what I possess, when it comes to the covenant I am in with Lauren in marriage, is headship. I have been called by God to lead, to cover, to provide, to protect in ways over Lauren that a boyfriend is not. However, a boyfriend should be leading his girlfriend in regards to godliness, and encouraging her in regards to her giftedness.
I think he should be encouraging her in prayerfulness and encouraging her towards an understanding and growing knowledge of the word of God. I can get my own preferences mixed up in this, so let me just kind of put a little asterisk here.
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Keys to Sexual Purity in Dating Speaking of sexual purity, what are a couple of practical helps for staying sexually pure in a dating relationship that actually work? Maybe because I have been married for fifteen years, but this question of purity feels like common sense. One of the things I say at The Village, on repeat, is that nothing good has ever come from a boyfriend and girlfriend cuddling on the couch watching a movie from 11pm to 1am.
It has never ended in a discussion about cinematography in the history of watching movies on couches. To put yourself in that position to begin with is a foolish one.
What works is being in public, guarding space alone, not putting yourself in situations. I think singles have a tendency to think more highly of their own self-control than they should.
So, I think dating in groups, or dating in public, is important, and we see that in Scripture. In Song of Solomon you see a growing desire to be physically intimate, and yet she describes their date as being under this canopy of leaves and this rug of grass Song 1: They are at a park. Should a Christian use a dating service to find a spouse? In the Bible times, dating did not exist in the same form that we see it today. Today, while familial involvement is still the norm in many cultures, in many others, singles are more on their own to find a mate.
There should be a balance, as we remember that God is perfectly loving Ephesians 3: God uses our choices, other people, and sometimes even modern technology, to bring about marriages. Is it possible we are being too picky, looking for the fairy-tale prince or princess, and by doing so, limiting the possibilities of what God may know is best for us and which we have not yet considered?
Are we not being picky enough, forgetting that God calls all Christians to marry only other Christians 2 Corinthians 6: A Christian man should take the lead in relationships and making sure their relationship glorifies Christ in all things. A Christian woman should let the man take the initiative as the leader God made him to be.
And, finally, as believers, we should be able to stand on our own two feet, relying on the Lord to fulfill us rather than feeling a need to be married in order to be whole.
Once we have these common struggles sorted out, we can begin to pursue a woman, or be pursued by a man, with an eye towards marriage. As in all decisions, we should ask God to direct us clearly. It can be difficult to meet single Christian men and women, especially if most of our friends have already married. We can put ourselves in a position to meet other Christians by looking for a church singles group.
We may want to volunteer for a cause we care about or join other groups, being sure that we are doing it because we enjoy it, not just because we want to meet as many potential mates as possible. Some people prefer to meet their spouse through friends, family, or in a chance meeting out in the world, and many do just that.
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But others believe they are limited in the people they meet because of their profession, the size of their city, or the nature of their activities. For these people, it may be wise to consider other methods. Some of the modern methods of finding a mate include internet or online dating, professional matchmaking services, and speed dating. Each has its pros and cons, and none is right for everyone.
Before beginning any of these methods, we should begin in prayer, asking God whether it is the step He wants us to take.
Internet dating is currently the most popular alternative way to meet singles.